As we approach two years of living through a global pandemic, it’s a good time to talk about mental health. Everyone has been dealing with their own struggles, and then there is the added stress of taking exams! Throughout the remainder of 2022, we will be producing articles interviewing various people about their own experiences with mental health. To kick things off, I want to share my story.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with at least mild levels of anxiety. It was a running joke in my family that “Mindy worried enough for everyone.” For the most part though, I could deal with the anxiety and function in my day-to-day life. But all of that changed on February 27, 2018, when my son was born.

Postpartum depression sucked my joy out of life. I became anxious about everything, always assuming the worst-case scenario even when nothing was wrong. In the words of one of my friends, “Postpartum depression robs you of motherhood.” And it robbed me for six months, until I finally broke down and got help. I knew I wouldn’t be able to talk about how I was feeling, so I wrote everything down on a piece of paper and handed it to the doctor. I was diagnosed with severe postpartum depression and prescribed an antidepressant. That doctor honestly saved my life.

It was easy to let the depression go on for so long without treatment because I threw myself into the things I had to do. I showered and went to work every day. I woke up early and stayed up late studying for Exam 8. I took care of my baby. Every day I went through the motions while bottling up this immense feeling of dread. It took the support from my amazing spouse to be able to take the leap to get help. I thought it was a sign of weakness, but it was the bravest thing I’ve ever done.

The medication was miraculous, and within a month I was starting to feel like myself again. It helped me keep it together through some big life changes (moving across the state, buying a home and switching jobs). Things were going great! And then March 2020 happened. While the world was on pause, my anxiety skyrocketed. How was I going to keep my family healthy? How was I going to work from home with a toddler? When would I be able to see my mom again? The thoughts never stopped coming.

Since I was already on an antidepressant and was terrified to go to the doctor’s during the beginning of the pandemic, I decided to try therapy. It was scary at first, and it took me quite a while to really open-up to my therapist. But after a few weeks, we started working on some practical things I could do to help with my anxiety. One of the things that helped me the most was creating two lists: a list of all my unrealistic expectations for myself and another list that had “good-enough” expectations on it. I still use this today when I start to feel overwhelmed.

Despite the help I was receiving from therapy, I was still feeling anxious and depressed. It didn’t help that my exam plans got changed (as did everyone’s), which led to even more stress. It was time for me to go back to the doctor. We chatted about what was going on, and she increased my dose of antidepressant significantly. It took another month or so, but eventually everything seemed to stabilize.

Fast-forward two years: I’m still on medication and I’m seeing a different therapist. Most days are good, but there are still days where my depression gets the best of me. On those days, I try to take some time for myself. I know some activities will “fill my cup” more than others: creating art, taking bubble baths and exercising. The depression will tell me to lounge on the couch and binge TV shows, but for me that makes it worse.

Over the course of my mental health journey, I’ve learned some important things that I want to share:

• You never know what someone else is going through. Be patient and kind to others.
• Give yourself grace. You’re doing amazing, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
• There is no shame in needing medicine for mental health.
• Be a safe space for someone else to talk about their mental health. You may never know how much that helps someone.
• Talk about your own mental health. It’s time we all ended the stigma; you’d be amazed at how much better you feel after getting everything out into the open

There is one action item I want to leave for everyone. Even if you feel amazing every day, this activity can still benefit you. Make a list of activities that fill your cup. If you don’t know what those are, do some trial and error. This list will come in handy if you are ever feeling tired or overwhelmed or just want to do something nice for yourself. And you do deserve that because, no matter who you are or where you are on your journey, you are enough — just the way you are.